Ready

So I started this blog right before my sailor came home on leave from A school in the beginning of July. It was the PERFECT 10 days I told any and everyone who asked. I hated seeing him leave. I always hate the "see you laters" because I just hate being apart.

I haven't written since but decided that this is really something that I want to do. For a number of reasons. It's a way to talk about my experiences being in a military relationship, a way to talk about the distance (which is anything but new to the two of us unfortunately) and a way to just get out all of my feelings, frustrations, emotions, etc. I don't always want to use the outlets I do have (my sailor, my mom, my closest friends) simply because they have so many things to worry about, especially my sailor, that sometimes they don't need to hear the stupid things I stress about. Because once I get over it and look at what it was, it was stupid to get upset over in the first place. So I'm gonna try harder to do that and not take it out on my sailor, which is what I tend to do the most because he's my best friend and the one person that not only knows everything about me but understands what I'm going through. I'm not perfect, no one is, but I'm doing my best to be the best person I can be, for him and for me.

Right now he is 700+ miles away, me in NJ him in SC for school. I get to talk to him everyday, thankfully. Well for now anyway. His next school is supposed to be extremely difficult and much longer hours so I have a feeling the time we get to talk will seriously decrease from what it was during his first school. But when I think about it, I'm lucky. He's not deployed. He's still here, safe and able to talk to me at least once everyday. I try to remind myself of that when I get upset that we haven't talked.

What all this has come down to is that we are both so ready to be together. We've been together for almost 5 years. We used to "talk" about getting married before he ever joined the Navy. But once he was in it became a much more serious conversation for the both of us. We both realized it is exactly what we want. We always knew it, it just took the Navy (and a short break from each other, yuck! but good in the long run) to really realize how much we are meant to be together and want to be together. Now it's something that we discuss all the time, our plans and what we want to do. He talked to my mom when he was home on leave too, which I thought was the sweetest and most adorable thing, I knew I picked a good one :)

We kind of did things a bit backward, because we already know that by the end of 2011 or very early 2012, depending when he finishes his last school (ugh Nukes and their year and a half of schooling, with like 2-6 month holds between all 3 schools) will depend on the actual date. But we don't care. We would do it tomorrow if we could (we're not because we're taking our families wishes into account, don't want to give them all heart attacks!) But my mom knows our plans and is completely supportive so in my world, that's perfect! So now I just wait for the actual proposal. He technically has asked me many times and although I've answered him, I told him it's not official until he's down on that knee! I have a feeling I know when it's going to come, but I'm not stressing, worrying, obsessing about it or anything, I just know it will come when it is meant to. But I did love the fact that he told me the first day back after leave EVERYONE asked him if he had gotten engaged because they all thought it was gonna happen while he was home. It was from telling me that and a little slip of the tongue that I think I know when it might happen.

I just want to marry him and be with him. I want to be his wife. I want him to be my husband. I want to spend my life with him. He is my best friend, my world, my everything. I would wait for him forever if I had to. He is my sailor and my hero.